Why
did God give us the gift of sex?
God
blessed the human animal above the other animals by placing within them a different
sexual need and a different sexual fulfillment. Most other creatures participate
in sex simply for procreation. When the female enters a period of fertility she
accepts the sexual advances of a chosen male. In
the human animal, sexual desire and activity continually exist-not just in periods
of female fertility. For us He made sex to be more than just the joining of two
bodies for procreation. He made it so that when we join another person in sexual
union, a spiritual union of sorts takes place at the same time.
The apostle
Paul used that argument to dissuade Christians in the city of Corinth from hiring
prostitutes from heathen temples to satisfy their sexual needs. He argues that
joining oneself sexually with a prostitute makes a person one body or one flesh
with her. He then says that the person shouldn't do that because he is already
one with God-the Spirit lives in him. The implication is that the union of a Spirit-filled
body with another human somehow carries spiritual dimensions. Therefore, the body
bought by Christ should not participate in such behavior.
1
Corinthians 6:15-20, "Do you not know that your bodies are members of
Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a
prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute
is one with her in body? For it is said, 'The two will become one flesh.' But
he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual
immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins
sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple
of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not
your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."
For human
beings, sex isn't just to make babies. It is to join two humans in the most intimate
union possible. I believe that sexual love freely shared in marriage is the most
beautiful way God gave us to say, "I love you." Strong
sexual needs exist in BOTH husband and wife
Sex in marriage is wonderful!
But like all blessings, there can be an accompanying curse. Unfulfilled sexual
needs sometimes lead to illicit relationships. God
addressed this strong sexual desire and need in humans through the writings of
Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5.
"But
since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each
woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife,
and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone
but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to
him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent
and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together
again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
What
does God teach about sex?
If
you wish a wonderful picture of the positives about sex, read carefully the Bible
book sometimes called the Song of Songs or the Song of Solomon. The love story
there is extremely sexual and very graphic. You may not see that with a casual
reading since so much of it is written in the idiom of their day. From time to
time in our question/answer section, we will refer to that book and, hopefully,
make clear some of the explicit sexual references. In this section, we take a
slightly different approach to learning God's view of sex. A
great deal of what the Bible teaches about sex comes in the form of prohibitions.
Don't let that make you think God is against sex. He made it! But He made it to
be enjoyed in His design-not in any human aberration of that design. Let's examine
some of those prohibitions. By knowing what God prohibits, we can deduce what
God designed to be fulfilling in sexual union.
The Ten
Prohibitions 1)
Incest
God strongly
condemned sexual relations with a "close relative." Relatives listed
include:
Mother
(Leviticus 18:7), Father's wife-stepmother (Lev. 18:8-under penalty of death, Lev.
20:11), Sister, half-sister, or stepsister (Lev. 18:9, 11-penalized by being cut
off from the people, Lev. 20:17), Grandchild (Lev. 18:10), Aunt (Lev. 18:12, 13,
14-penalized by dying childless, Lev. 20:19), Daughter-in-law (Lev. 18:15), Sister-in-law
(Lev. 18:16), Daughter or granddaughter of woman one had sex with (Lev. 18:17-penalized
by death, Lev. 20:14).
2)
Homosexuality
God strongly condemns sexual relations with a person of
the same gender in the Old Testament (Lev. 18:22-penalized by death, Lev. 20:13).
He condemns it just as strongly in the New Testament (Romans 1:24-28-penalized
by spiritual death, Rom. 1:27, 6:23) 3)
Rape
The Old Testament law definitely favored the male. If a man raped
a married or engaged woman, he was to be executed while the woman was held to
be innocent and worthy of no punishment. If the woman could have summoned help
but didn't, she was also to be executed (Deuteronomy. 22:23-27). If
a man raped a single, unengaged woman, he was not put to death. The penalty was
to marry her with no possibility of divorce, ever. (Deut. 22:28-29) 4)
Consensual sex with one other than your mate
If a man slept with a woman
who consenually engaged in sex with him, his penalty was to marry her (if her
father wished) with no possibility of divorce (Exodus 22:16-17). The
New Testament made it clear that God expected sex to take place only in the boundaries
of marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:2-5) Anyone guilty of sexual sin-called fornication
in some versions and sexual immorality in others-would suffer spiritual death
unless he or she finds God's forgiveness. (Galatians 5:19-21) 5)
Adultery
In the Old Testament adultery only occurred if a married woman
was involved. A man who slept with a single woman (see above) didn't commit adultery
since men could, by law, have more than one wife. Since women couldn't, by law,
have more than one husband, any sexual encounter with another man-married or single-was
adultery. God vehemently condemns it (Lev. 20:10) and listed the punishment as
death (Deut. 22:22). In
the New Testament anyone married to one person but sleeping with another committed
adultery. "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept
pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral"
(Hebrews 13:4). 6)
Lust
In the Old Testament God phrased it this way, "You shall
not covet your neighbor's wife." (Exodus 20:17) In the New Testament
Jesus said it like this, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit
adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already
committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:27-28). 7)
Prostitution
God stated He detests prostitution. (Deut. 23:17-18) In the
New Testament He said through Paul, "Do you not know that your bodies
are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite
them with a prostitute? Never!" (1 Corinthians 6:15) 8)
Bestiality
Any person, male or female, who participated in sexual activity
with any animal was to be put to death under the Old Testament law (Lev. 20:15,
16). 9) Sex
during menstrual period
A basic principle of Scripture is "the
life of a creature is in the blood." (Lev. 17:11) Therefore, blood is
always treated as holy--even in the New Testament (Acts 15:29). Understanding
that principle helps us understand God's law listed in the Old Testament about
sexual relations during the wife's menstrual period. He said that it shouldn't
happen (Lev. 15:24, 18:19) and listed the penalty as being "cut off"
from the people. (Lev. 20:18) Many today believe that particular part of the "blood"
law was given primarily for health reasons-the people of the Old Testament not
having access to our modern hygiene or medicines-and that particular law has no
application to Christians. Others feel that it lists God view of the sanctity
of blood and should still be observed by Christians who respect God's feelings. 10)
Harm the body
While this isn't specifically mentioned as I will describe
it, the principle applies to anything that affects a person's body. Remember,
the context in which this passage is found is one that discusses sexual activity.
In 1 Corinthians 6:19, 20 Paul wrote for us, "Do you not know that your body
is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?
You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your
body." While our spirits belong to God, so does our body. We are not to do
anything that desecrates that temple of God that our body is. Sexual activity
that harms the body should not occur. What
are the basic principles? Positive
Points
Based
on all we've studied in this section, it seems to me that we may infer these basic
principles about God's view of sex.
- God intends for sex to
be enjoyed by people married to each other-sex isn't just for procreation as with
the other animals.
- God
endorses our enjoyment of every part of our spouse's body.
- God
wants each person in the marriage to conscientiously fulfill his or her mates
sexual needs and desires.
Prohibitive
Points
Based
on our study, I believe that the following limitations must exist for sex to be
everything that God intended. - Sex
must only take place in the confines of marriage.
- Sex
may never involve:
1. Another person besides your mate.
2. Any animal.
3. Anything that causes harm to either person's body. That means
that anything not prohibited by these principles is acceptable to God! So many
things that some avoid for fear of offending God shouldn't be avoided at all.
At least not avoided for religious reasons. They are just as valid and good as
kissing, hugging, or any other expression of love between two who have committed
themselves to each other. For more specifics, please read our weekly question/answer
column about biblical principles of sexuality. What
does this mean to your marriage? Priority
One
First, pay
attention to your sexual life. While it is true that every part of your life affects
every other part, you must make every effort to keep your sexual life healthy.
Never forget God's warning about Satan's attack that He gave you in 1 Corinthians
7. Sexually unfulfilled people can be tempted through their lack of self-control.
Remove that avenue of attack from Satan's forces by keeping your mate thoroughly
sexually satisfied! Priority
Two
Second,
keep the bedroom special. Never argue in that room. Never discipline the children
there. Never, ever, pay bills in that room. The bedroom should be for sleeping
and love-making-nothing else! Don't let that room be associated with any negative
thing in your mind or emotions. Make it the most special room in your house. Teach
your children to respect the privacy of that room. Train them from infancy that
when that door is shut, parents are spending special time with each other that
is not to be violated. If you fear that they may figure out what you're doing
in there, what better way to teach them healthy attitudes about sex? They learn
to associate sex--although, of course, they shouldn't see or hear anything inappropriate--with
love and marriage. Priority
Three
Third,
if either of you wants sexual activity that the other finds uncomfortable--or
perhaps even repulsive--each should submit to the other. That means that the initiator
must not manipulate, cajole, pressure, or punish the reticent mate. But it also
means that the reticent mate should prayerfully and purposefully work toward doing
what the initiator requests--as long as it fits the principles outlined in this
chapter. For
example, the reticent one should not allow another person to be involved
in the couples sexual life if the initiator was to request such a thing. But if
the initiator requests something outside the current comfort zone of the reticent
mate that isn't wrong in the eyes of God, the reticent person should start making
progress toward fulfilling that request. With
time and patience, each mate will get what he or she desires--a loving relationship
that doesn't get stale, doesn't frustrate, and does fulfill each with great
satisfaction. Joe
Beam
President & Chairman of the Board
Family Dynamics Institute
© 2001 Joe Beam.
All rights reserved. Click
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